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Page 1 of 2 Keep in mind that while there are women who are sex addicts, more men are sex addicts, and this article is written from that point of view. This is not meant to isolate anyone, and hopefully if your partner is a female sex addict, you can still find some answers in here.
Please keep in mind that there are no absolutes. But from our years of experiences, we have found these situations to be the norm, not the exception. And we quit counting the number of people who came to us at first claiming their partner "wasn't like" the others, just to finally admit months later that yes, they were.
Myth 1: All men look at porn. It's natural and normal.
No, all men don't look at porn. It's NOT normal and natural to spend hours and hours (and/or hundreds or thousands of dollars) staring at porn. Yes, many men have or do look at porn, but just as a "normal" person can have a drink and not need to have another one, the men who can "normally" look at porn do not have a compulsion to do so.
So what is "normal" porn use? If a man does look at porn, it's only every once in a while. Many men who are in committed relationships never, or rarely, look at porn, especially if their partner objects to it. And if their partner asks them to stop, they do. If you ask your partner to stop looking at porn and they refuse, that is a symptom of either a compulsion to look at porn, a total lack of respect for you, or both.
If your partner cannot get "in the mood" without looking at porn, that is a clear sign that they are addicted to it. If your partner is only in the mood when looking at porn, that is another clear sign they are addicted to it. If your partner constantly wants you to emulate what he sees in porn, it is a clear sign he is addicted to it.
Myth 2: If you would just (dress sexy, get a boob job, act like a porn queen in bed, loose weight, ________) I wouldn't have a problem.
The problem is NOT with you. The problem is with your partner. No amount of changing on your part will fix his problem. Again, we cannot count the number of partners who come here and tell us stories about everything they tried (including sexual acts that left them feeling shamed and debased) just to try to satisfy their sexual addict partners.
Repeat, NOTHING you do can change them. Their change has to start within.
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